Resilience is one of the greatest gifts we can give to children. It’s the ability to recover quickly from difficulties, adapt to change, and carry on when things don’t go to plan. For school-aged children, this might mean coping when they don’t make the football team, facing friendship difficulties, handling a poor test result, or adjusting to life changes such as moving house.
In today’s world, children face a unique set of pressures. Academic performance, social media, peer expectations, and family stresses all play a part. Without resilience, even small setbacks can feel overwhelming. With it, children are far more likely to navigate challenges with confidence, problem-solving skills, and hope for the future.
The best part? Resilience isn’t something you either have or don’t. It’s a skill that can be nurtured, taught, and encouraged through everyday experiences at home and in school.
This article explores what resilience looks like in children, why it matters, and practical strategies for helping them develop it—backed up by real-world examples and trusted resources.
What Does Resilience Look Like in Children?
Resilient children aren’t the ones who sail through life without difficulty. In fact, resilience is built through challenges. A child who is resilient might:
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Cry after a disappointment but then pick themselves up and try again.
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Ask for help but also be willing to try solutions on their own.
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Recognise that setbacks are temporary, not permanent.
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Look for lessons in mistakes instead of blaming themselves or others.
It’s important to note that resilience doesn’t mean toughing it out alone. Strong support networks—family, friends, teachers—are crucial. In fact, children who feel connected and supported are the most likely to develop resilience.
Why Resilience Matters So Much
Children who learn resilience are better equipped to face the uncertainties of life. Resilient children:
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Perform better academically because they are less likely to give up after setbacks.
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Have healthier friendships, since they can handle disagreements and move on.
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Experience lower levels of anxiety, as they know setbacks are not the end of the world.
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Grow into adults who are adaptable, confident, and able to cope with stress.
A study from the University of Cambridge found that children with higher resilience scores were better able to cope with exam pressure and showed improved wellbeing.
Everyday Ways to Build Resilience
1. Encourage Problem-Solving
When children face a challenge, resist the urge to immediately “fix” it for them. Instead, guide them through thinking about solutions.
For example:
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If your child forgets their homework, instead of rushing it into school, ask: “What could you do differently tomorrow?”
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If they’re struggling with a project, brainstorm together: “What’s one small step we could take first?”
Over time, this builds a sense of capability and responsibility. They learn that setbacks are manageable and that they are capable of finding solutions.
2. Model Resilience Yourself
Children learn by watching the adults in their lives. If they see you face setbacks calmly and positively, they will copy those strategies.
Imagine you’ve been stuck in traffic and arrive late to a family outing. Instead of snapping or showing stress, you might say: “Well, we’re a bit late, but the fun is still ahead of us.” This models flexibility and positivity.
Teachers can do the same in classrooms: if a lesson doesn’t go to plan, instead of frustration, a simple, “That didn’t work—let’s try another approach,” shows children that it’s okay to adapt.
3. Teach Positive Self-Talk
A resilient mindset often begins with the words children say to themselves. A child who constantly thinks, “I’m useless, I can’t do this,” will feel defeated before even starting.
Encourage them to reframe challenges with phrases like:
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“This is tricky, but I’ll keep practising.”
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“I made a mistake, but mistakes help me learn.”
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“I can’t do this yet, but I will.”
This “growth mindset” approach, popularised by psychologist Carol Dweck, helps children see ability as something that can be developed, not fixed.
4. Allow Safe Failures
Failure is not the opposite of success—it’s part of the process. Shielding children from every disappointment leaves them unequipped for real life.
Small failures are powerful teachers: losing a football match, coming last in a race, or baking a cake that collapses. These experiences show that setbacks happen to everyone, and they are not the end.
The key for parents and teachers is to support children through these moments: “I know you’re disappointed, but what did you learn? What can we try differently next time?”
5. Build Strong, Supportive Relationships
Resilience doesn’t mean being tough or isolated. In fact, strong relationships are at the core of resilience. Children who know they have a secure base—parents who listen, teachers who care, friends who support—are more willing to take risks and try again.
Practical ways to build this:
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Family rituals like shared meals or bedtime chats.
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Teachers remembering personal details: “How’s your dog, Max?”
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Encouraging peer support in class or group projects.
When children feel loved and valued, setbacks feel smaller and recovery feels easier.
6. Establish Healthy Routines
Resilience isn’t only mental—it’s also physical. Children handle stress better when they are well-rested, nourished, and active.
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Sleep: Studies show children who sleep well perform better academically and emotionally (Sleep Foundation). You can read our article on Healthy Sleep Habits for School-Aged Children for practical tips.
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Nutrition: A balanced diet helps stabilise mood and energy.
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Exercise: Active children are not only healthier but also calmer and more focused.
Even small habits, like a family walk or switching off devices before bed, build resilience by strengthening both body and mind.
Real-World Stories of Resilience
One London parent shared how their 10-year-old struggled with reading. At first, every failed test left him in tears. Instead of pressuring him, they celebrated small wins—reading one page fluently, finishing a chapter without help. Over time, his confidence grew, and eventually, he caught up with his classmates.
A headteacher in Leeds introduced “resilience journals” where children wrote down one challenge each week and how they handled it. At the end of term, pupils looked back and saw just how much they had grown.
These examples show that resilience isn’t about avoiding struggle—it’s about growing through it.
External Resources Worth Exploring
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NHS – Mental Health for Children and Teens
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/
Practical NHS advice on wellbeing and support for young people.
Internal Reading You May Find Helpful
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Dealing With Bullying: Advice for Parents & Pupils – because coping with social challenges is a huge part of resilience.
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Helping Your Child With Homework Without the Stress – building resilience also means helping children face everyday pressures calmly.
Final Thoughts
Resilience doesn’t make life easier—but it makes children stronger. It allows them to fall, get up, and keep moving forward. It teaches them that mistakes aren’t disasters, but stepping stones.
Parents and schools play a huge role in this process. By modelling calm behaviour, encouraging problem-solving, allowing safe failures, and creating strong, supportive environments, we can give children the confidence to thrive.
In a world filled with uncertainty, resilience is the key to turning challenges into opportunities. And the best part? Every day offers a new chance to practise it.
